


Oh Shit, A Rat

by HoneyNutFemios93



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Animal Abuse, Animal Death, But Linhardt Understands when a pest is a pest, F/M, Hand Jobs, Hurt, Hurt No Comfort, Kissing, Linhardt Hates Violence, Linhardt Loves Animals, Non-Graphic Smut, PeTA don't read, Pest Control, Rat Killing, Undressing, mood killer
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-21
Updated: 2020-03-21
Packaged: 2021-02-28 16:26:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 932
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23240185
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HoneyNutFemios93/pseuds/HoneyNutFemios93
Summary: Linhardt just wanted to have amazing sex with his wife, but sometimes an unwanted guest ruins everything.
Relationships: Linhardt von Hevring/My Unit | Byleth
Comments: 2
Kudos: 10





	Oh Shit, A Rat

Oh Shit, A Rat

_-_-_-_

Linhardt moaned into his kisses with Byleth. He didn't think he would do this, which made him more excited. He gasped when Byleth parted her lips, disappointed she didn't continue.

"Why did you stop what you were doing? We were just getting started!" He whined. 

"We should take this back in our bedroom. You know you'd enjoy it more that way," Byleth purred. 

"You're so considerate; I would thank you for thinking of me… or did you want to take it to the next level?" Linhardt let Byleth's hands stay over his body. 

Byleth liked this. Linhardt when he's not thinking about his naptime and his research was playful and cheeky. She needed that in her life. 

"Now, we can't stay up too late. Otherwise, you won't get any work done tomorrow," Byleth let Linhardt move her arms lower towards his posterior. As they kissed again, Byleth escorting him to the bedroom, she paused. She heard a noise from across the hall. It was a squeaking of sorts. 

"Oh no… I know what that means," Linhardt felt his body ache. He didn't want to stop Byleth from making her reaction.

"Oh shit, a rat. Hold on. Meet me in the bedroom. I'll get rid of it," Byleth said as Linhardt grabbed her arm. 

"Can't you just let it be and have housekeeping handle it? It's just a harmless little thing!" Linhardt's gut reaction made him scared Byleth would just go up and step on it, killing his mood and ruining the night for them. 

"Linhardt, housekeeping won't do anything about it!" Byleth was pained. 

"Please, Byleth?" 

Byleth paused. Linhardt was even more pained. His mouth quivered as it he was about to collapse into tears. Byleth looked back at the rat, minding his own business as it peeked around the halls, still squeaking innocently. 

"...I can't say no to that face," Byleth groaned in defeat. Linhardt sighed with relief. They had to return to their nightly ritual. 

Back in the room, Linhardt and Byleth tried again to make love. Linhardt stripped down to his underwear while Byleth stripped herself naked. She looked at him puzzled. 

"Why didn't you finish undressing?" Byleth asked. 

"I'm glad you asked. I think you would be more entertained finishing it off. After all, you never did any research on your end learning about me," Linhardt purred. 

"You are so weird!" Byleth giggled.

Soon she began to kiss him again, attempting to seduce him with that in mind. She began to kiss him all over, his moans like a melody, how he clings to the bedsheets with his toes curling inward were like a smooth percussion. She let her finger trail around his body before Linhardt began to cry out her name. She tore his underpants off, playing with his lower half with a vulnerary as lube as he begged for her to keep going. 

Linhardt's screams of pleasure once Byleth made him cum on her face from the amount of times she tapped on his prostate and jerked him off. It wasn't reproductive but he didn't care. He loved her hands more than her vagina. 

Byleth chuckled until the squeaking from earlier getting louder. 

Linhardt and Byleth stopped what they were doing. 

"...How did he get in here, that cock-blocking bastard?" Byleth snarled as she looked to see the mouse try to squeeze into the bedroom through the door. 

Linhardt looked over to see the mouse in question. 

"Maybe he heard commotion and wanted a treat," Linhardt replied. 

"What he's going to get is a beating out the door!" Byleth attempted to get out of the bed only for Linhardt to pull her back in. 

"Byleth! It isn't doing anything wrong! It isn't stealing food from the pantry or anything like that!" Linhardt was panicked. He didn't want to slay the rat. 

"It will bring pestilence," Byleth explained.

The rat rushed over and rushed over to Linhardt's research papers. He then raised his tail up and began to let out a couple droppings over his sketches of Crests. 

"...On second thought, yeah. Maybe you should dispose of it. I'll wear my robe, so I'll wait outside at least so I don't have to see it bleed out." Linhardt said nonplussed by the rat's insolent, ungrateful attitude of Linhardt's kindness. 

Linhardt left the room, hearing a loud shrieking from inside their bedroom. From the sound of things, Byleth used a dagger hidden on her side of the drawer. He covered his mouth, his whimper for the now dead rat had to be muffled. 

She then opened the windows open, threw the corpse out, and then burned the once pristine notes ruined by rat poop. Linhardt heard it all, though he didn't know if he wanted to come back inside or not. 

_ "Goddess damn it! Why must I still fall in love with someone like this!" _ Linhardt sobbed to himself. 

He reentered the bedroom. 

"There. That is taken care of. We should probably go to bed. I am sorry we had to end the night with pest control," Byleth felt remorse. After all, Linhardt hated violence and bloodshed. 

"It'll be hard to forgive you but I did give you the go to do it. Now if only there were a way to keep rats away from my research in a more humane way," Linhardt snuggled next to Byleth as Byleth at least can let him mope over her shoulder for a bit. 

"Goodnight, babe. Hopefully next time we can lift the mood with something more entertaining," Byleth kissed his forehead. 

_-_-_-_

To Be Continued… 

**Author's Note:**

> I kind of want to rewrite this without involving a rat. I realized I don't have any Linhardt/Byleth fics and it is unfortunate as this is one of my favorite ships and Lorenz seems to get a lot of love from Byleth in them. So here is hoping I make it up to you guys in the future.


End file.
